Why Santa should use e-bay

I used to love Christmas. Spending time with family and loved ones, the joy of giving and receiving, a time to reflect on the year just gone. And public holidays. Who doesn’t love public holidays? But having just spent 4 weeks in hospital as a direct result of spreading Christmas cheer, I will think twice about my actions in December 2012.

All the kings horses and all the kings men did put Brian back together again

I always dress up as Santa for the kids next door, and deliver their presents. This year, I decided to be the authentic Santa and enter via their chimney. Of course Betty had a few words of warning against that. “At your age you shouldn’t be climbing up ladders and dropping down chimneys. Besides, you’ll probably get stuck!” But I was not worried. I had been working out on my new Ab Circle Pro for three minutes a day for the two weeks leading up to the event. I was extremely fit.

I didn’t get stuck in the chimney. I made a small mathematical error in my calculations. On entering the chimney, I seem to have forgotten to hold on, and fell the entire length of the chimney and delivered myself onto the floor of the Jones’ living room. There were a few surprised faces awaiting me. And two fractured ankles. But after 4 weeks in hospital, 16 screws, 5 metals plates, and two (overpriced) orthopaedic walking boots, I am well on the way to recovery.

Next year, however, Santa will not be making an appearance in person. All gifts will be purchased on-line and risks inherent in delivery will be borne by Australia Post. I hope their medical insurance is slightly more generous than mine.

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